December 4, 2010
It’s December and the season is upon us— awards season that is. While nominations are going out for such prestigious prizes as the Golden Globes and the Oscars, it seems only fitting that the Zbaraschuk’s take time to assign some seasonal awards of their own.
We start first with the Sports Awards, where Connor, our six year old, skates away with all the prizes. Not only was he voted the “Most Likely to Destroy the House Playing Hallway Hockey”, he also scored big in the “Most Likely to Whine If I Don’t Win” category. This year has been a long lesson in not getting upset when we don’t get our way. For instance, Grandma Z has learned not to get upset when Connor interrupts here regularly scheduled television viewing to watch hockey and NASCAR. Mom is also learning not to get upset when a bazillion hockey cards are scattered throughout the house. At present, we are trying to build a hockey rink for our Little Gretzky, for he is determined to become a hockey player, despite Mom and Dad’s complete and utter disinterest in the sport. To be honest, hockey is not the only sport Connor has taken an interest in. FIFA 2010 generated an interest in playing soccer, while his entrance into Kindergarten has made recess wrestling a new pastime—much to his teachers’ chagrin (Mom included). Connor’s philosophy seems to be, “Anything worth doing is worth a little time on the time- out chair”, or the penalty box, as it were. I threatened to go out on supervision to watch his behaviour on the playground, to which he replied—“Can you play soccer with me, then?” In one ear, out the other... Other than a few playground antics though, Connor is loving school, making friends, and excelling at what little boys do best—being a boy.
Our next award goes out in the field of Sound Editing, and the winner is.... Kaylie. One of the joys of three year olds is that they repeat everything they hear—although not always correctly. In Kaylie’s case she has kept us highly amused this year with her difficulty in enunciating certain sounds. For instance, the /sm/ sound comes out sounding like /f/. Consequently, her favourite candies are “Farties”, people who smoke are “Foking”, and the little smudges that get on the DVDs and stop her movies from working.... Well I wish we could say they were ‘fudges”, but instead we call them “smuckers” —so..... well, you do the math. It is quite hilarious to hear her indignantly pull out a ruined DVD, completely disgusted that it’s got !#@#uckers!
When Kaylie isn’t dropping the F-bomb—she’s quite a sweet little girl with a mischievous streak. She loves teasing her siblings who often find her to be a royal pain. This is a title she wears proudly as she is obsessed with Disney Princesses and spends much of her day in a castle recycled from a gigantic cardboard box. She has worn her princess costumes nearly non-stop since the spring, and several of them are in such disrepair that only a Fairy Godmother could repair them. Her other great love is a wretched looking stuffed kitten called Cricket—who has collected enough dirt and grime to be considered bio-hazzardous waste. Cricket is well loved, and Kaylie spends lots of time talking and singing to her little grey germ ball. Kaylie also loves cutting, coloring and doing crafts. Interestingly though, she cannot pronounce the /f/ sound in the word craft, so it comes out.... “Mom, let’s make a “crap” together.” Yes, this daughter is definitely the one destined to be the entertainer in the family.
This brings us to the second daughter, Emily, winner in both the Best Picture and Best Original Music Score categories. Emily continues to love drawing, making craps—I mean crafts—and playing the piano. She would also win a prize for “Most Likely to Do the Least Piano Practice” if such an award existed. Unfortunately for her, she has a mother who knows that piano players are not made in a day—or in Emily’s case 5 minutes of practice—so we faithfully put in the half hour prescribed by the teacher in the hour and a half it takes Emily to get done. It’s true that as you grow older you relate more to your own parents, particularly in the struggle to raise kids. Looking back, I’m not sure how Mom and Dad managed to get each of us six kids to practice piano daily so that we might appreciate the great gift music is, but, oh wait a minute.... I’m the only one who actually plays. Ah, that makes me feel so much better knowing that I come from a long line of parents who couldn’t make their kids do what they wanted them to do. Clearly it’s genetic!
Fortunately, genetics is also on our side when it comes to reading. Kent and I both love to read, and Emily has followed in our footsteps. One of the ladies at church gave Emily the Laura Ingall’s books to read this summer, and since then she has been ploughing her way through the entire pioneer series, including additional books about Laura’s mother and daughter. She’ll often get up early in the morning to read, and I’m not sure what’s going to happen when she gets to the end of the series. I remember loving Anne of Green Gables in the same way, and I’m sure she’ll feel a little sadness when she closes the last page on the final chapter. I guess she’ll have to find something new to fill her time—more piano practise, perhaps.
And finally we come to the most prestigious award, that of Parent of the Year. While Kent and I did not in fact win the prize, you will be glad to hear we did place several rankings ahead of Charlie Sheen and Kate Gosselin. The awards committee noted our continued record of excellence, and were willing to overlook the few minor meltdowns that occurred within the context of taking the children shopping and cleaning toys off the living room floor. The awards committee even awarded us extra points for our summer vacation to Calgary and Banff wherein Lorie not only climbed to the top of Sulpher Mountain (okay the gondola took me the first 12,000 feet, but the last 750 were a killer and all up hill), but she also walked every square inch of the Calgary Zoo (okay we skipped the Australian section, but our feet were killing us) and rode every ride at Calaway Park ( even if Connor was screaming in fear. Suck it up, hockey boy!) . Even more impressive—both Kent and I went watersliding with the kids at the hotel, thus necessitating our need to wear swimming suits in public—which could explain why we lost out to Brad and Angelina in this year’s parenting contest. Oh well, as they always say at these award ceremonies.... just being nominated is an honor.
Well that brings us to the close of our letter, which may not win the Pulitzer Prize, but it should bring a smile or two this Christmas. And for this writer, that is reward enough.
Have a rich and rewarding Christmas,
The Z’s
Kent, Lorie, Connor, Emily, and Kaylie
